Dear Susan (daughter's name- changed for her protection):
YOU DID THIS....(commence a bunch of incoherent, half legible babbling for about 6 pages)
I spoke to Susan several times. Her mother has a long psych history. Susan was 8 months pregnant and had 3 other little children under 5 at home. (she came in later that day) Her husband was very kind and patient with the whole thing, too.
I'm going to admit something. That note not only rattled me- it pissed me off. How could someone 1. base so much of their happiness on a GROWN CHILD WITH HER OWN LIFE and 2. Try to kill herself then leave a note so the daughter (who probably would have blamed herself somehow anyway) can see it and know beyond doubt that IT'S ALL HER FAULT YOU ARE DEAD ...while she's about to GIVE BIRTH.
What kind of self centered, immature, narcissistic piece of SHIT does that to their own child?? Who the fuck goes through 60 years of life thinking it's ALL ABOUT THEM? The whole situation totally disgusted me. I was actually going to ask for a different assignment (a good nurse knows when a situation is one where his/her own feelings might affect care).. but the other nurse who would have taken her was about half as compassionate as me on her best day, so I sucked it up and used my therapeutic communication skills-- which luckily means asking open ended questions and never giving your personal opinion or advice.. so thank God for THAT.
We also had this really odd, hard to read patient who was very non compliant with his insulin at home and rarely took his cardiac meds. He told our poor elderly nurse's aid (the one I mentioned on the talented boobie post) while she was taking his blood pressure that he neglected to mention when he was admitted that he has a condition called Peyronie's disease and we are "ALL going to get it now!" So the nurses were at the nurse's station FREAKING OUT about this horrible disease and what is it OMG!!! Well I knew every disease that you can catch from casual contact and that was not one of them I ever heard of, so I looked it up.
According to wikipedia: (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Peyronie%27s_disease)
Peyronie's Disease (also known as "Induratio penis plastica"[1]) and more recently (CITA) Chronic Inflammation of Tunica Albuginea, is a connective tissue disorder involving the growth of fibrous plaques[2] in the soft tissue of the penis affecting up to 10% of men. Specifically, scar tissue forms in the tunica albuginea, the thick sheath of tissue surrounding the corpora cavernosa causing pain, abnormal curvature, erectile dysfunction, indentation, loss of girth and shortening.
So basically the guy told the nurse's aid he has a dick with a right angle and we were ALL GOING TO CATCH IT. So, I did what any good nurse would do. I put a contact precaution bag on his door and pretended like he had a raging case of MRSA, I told everyone to gown up and glove up every time they go into the room. The guy was BUSTING A GUT laughing at how we fell for his scheme. And just when I was about to break the news that we knew his condition was not contagious.. the Dr showed up.
Dr.:"Why is this patient on contact precautions?"
I looked at the patient and said "Do you want to tell him or should I?"
Patient (proudly): "I have Peyronie's disease!"
Dr.(flatly): "um.. that's not contagious"
Me: "Oh Dr., I don't know what we would do without YOU around!" *grabbing isolation bag from the door and scurrying out*
Ten minutes later, the Dr. came up to me and said "You knew what it was, didn't you?"
I just winked.
LOL
