Better to bear the shame than bear the pain

^ favorite quote from a morbidly obese female pt. over the weekend when I walked into the room and it sounded like two geologic plates shifted underneath her bottom as I was preparing her insulin.(how have I never heard that expression before??)  She was an ICU transfer who was admitted with rapid afib and was on an amiodarone and cardizem gtt but whose heart rate was well controlled on po (by mouth)  amio and cardizem in addition to metoprolol.  But enough about the medical stuff.. this woman was hilarious but with an incredibly sad past.

I always find it a fascinating dichotomy that some of the most charming and happy people tend to have the most heartbreaking stories.  People who are intrinsically sad tend to believe all those happy people out there "had it easy" or had things "handed to them" it's just not so.  Time and time again I hear about abuse, deaths, abandonment- and yet these people brush themselves off and keep going; and find love and happiness along the way.  They have that feeling I often mention that I have that everything is going to be okay, no matter what.  This does not mean we don't get sad or feel like we are struggling at times, but it does mean that we find joy and laughter in the simplest of things and it pulls us back from the throes of despair. It sounds cliché I know, but laughter really is the best medicine and should be sought after and done often.

This woman grew up in foster homes after she was orphaned at a young age.  Because of that, she said  always wanted a big family.  She went on to have 4 boys and 3 girls. She had a daughter die at the age of 46 when her husband (a police officer) shot and killed her then turned the gun on himself. Then she started to beam talking about her other daughter's children, her "grandbabies".  For every horrible thing she talked about, she had 5 good things to say.  She knows the value of a good chuckle and I'm glad I was able to laugh with her.

Another patient has active breast cancer but was admitted with GI pain and ended up getting surgery on her abdomen.  Ended up having a small bowel volvulus (a type of small bowel obstruction).  She told me all about how when her kids were little she used to dress up like cupid on Valentine's day with wings and a bow and arrow and a crown and chase her kids around shooting love arrows at them and making special cakes and cookies for them for every obscure holiday.  She does yoga every day and she never once had any nausea from chemo and she had the most AWESOME blonde wig I ever saw.  She asked me to do her makeup like mine on her once she had her wig on.  Her husband walked in and we were giggling like teenagers with makeup dumped all over the bed and he just started laughing saying, "what in fresh hell is going on in here? What is this a slumber party?"

Also had a pt. who was born with spina bifida.  She was SO sweet.  Like truly just an amazingly sweet woman. She had a kidney infection and horrific pain along with it.  She has an ileostomy (fecal bag on her abdomen) that she cares for herself and she straight caths herself 4 times a day since she no longer is able to urinate on her own.  She has two children, one of whom is blind. (I realize there's a whole lot of medical ethics that can be discussed here-- primarily the whole genetic testing thing.)  I don't know if her pregnancies were intentional or not, but I find it fascinating that she is so sweet and genuine in spite of all her challenges.  She told me her drs gave her about one year until she will be wheelchair bound. She talks about how she wishes she could run around and play with her kids more than anything; but that they are very understanding as to why she can't.

So, dear reader, when was the last time you thanked the guy upstairs for the ability to be able to run outside with your children?  If you haven't lately, you should.   We hear so much about how we shouldn't take life for granted but until someone else's cold, hard reality slaps you in the face, you really have no idea how good you have it.

And on the heels of talking with her, I had another patient with a spinal cord injury he sustained in the 70s while working in a cement plant. I didn't have him as a patient for 1 hour before he started crying about not wanting to be a burden on the hospital staff or his family.  Then he spoke about how he just wants to die and he wants to "go to the lord, but I don't know if he will take me"  I used therapeutic communication and helped encourage him to express his feelings but I could tell it wasn't really making him feel better. Then I heard the voice of one of my nursing instructors say, "It's completely appropriate to pray with a patient. If you feel comfortable doing so, offer to pray with them."  So I asked him if he would like me to pray with him.  He said yes and I held his hand and sat next to him on the bed and prayed the Lord's Prayer with him. He was so calm after that.

None of these events would have been possible without the fact that I had awesome nurse's aides all weekend and incredibly talented internal medicine drs that I love working with.  Because I had an exceptional team to work with I had TIME to do so many of the things that I just never had the time for at the other hospital. I am SO HAPPY with my new home.♥