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Nursing is a really weird thing. It’s the most rewarding and yet the most stressful experience I’ve ever lived though. When I’ve got intense, high acuity patients (which lately is all the time on my floor), I have a tendency to push all my own needs to the side and give my all to my patients. Most patients recognize it and some even appreciate it, but on the extra busy days when I don’t sit or eat or drink for 13 hours, I find myself in tears the second I get into my car. And driving home. And in bed. And in the shower.  I think my biggest problem is, the more difficult and needy my patients are, and the less help I have, the more I ignore my own body.  I know that sounds crazy and counterproductive, but I get in this “zone” where all I think is “maybe I haven’t eaten in 10 hours but this patient is experiencing a worsening stroke and I have 5 other patients besides him- they win priority.” My thought process is that I might be hungry, sore, stressed, whatever but oftentimes my patients are dying or nearly died, confused, tearful, scared, etc. and that is more important for me to address than my own needs. It just is.  It’s what drew me in to nursing and what I fear will eventually land me in a psych unit.  And as much as I know this job is destroying me, I know I will never do anything else.

It’s very much like being in an abusive relationship.

I need to find a better balance.  My plan is to drop down to 2 twelves every week vs 3 twelves, but right now I need to prepare financially and build up some savings for me to be able to do that. I also am going to try and get into the new hospital location that is only 10 minutes from my house. My goal is to achieve this within 6 months to a year. Here's to hoping.

I do not think that there is any other quality so essential to success of any kind as the quality of perseverance. It overcomes almost everything, even nature.
John D. Rockefeller