Lightbulb Moments

Was going though my work binder and found some old papers I was holding onto for reference. As I looked them over I kept on thinking.."I know that.. don't need this..nope, don't need that, saw that already." It was pretty cool, kind of a light bulb moment for me that helped me realize how far I came. Sometimes I feel like I'm sort of on autopilot but what I never realized is that I am actually learning a lot every time I work.

Did I ever mention I almost joined a roller derby league? The thought of rolling around on roller skates and knocking people on their ass sounded so incredibly fun. Then I realized that my tiny little frame and giraffe legs and "little miss nicey nice" face would likely get me fucking clobbered. That and I started modeling right around when I was going to join and I wasn't sure how I was going to justify a black eye or broken nose to my agency... wasn't really worried about the pain/getting hurt angle though. I'll let you in on a little secret (that you, dear readers, may or may not already know) Gut wrenching, indescribable want to tear your skin off to get rid of the nerve endings type of pain.. that kind of pain comes with a serious high. The high of power that you overcame it and you were able to beat it. I learned about that after I had my son without any meds. I decided to become a nurse the day I had him.. not really because I felt at home in the hospital environment (though I did); but because once you make it through that intense of an experience, it changes you. Yes, I became a mother for the second time that day but I also came to realize I can do anything. People say that all the time, but, frankly, it's not always true. The world is full of posers and pussies, people who talk about doing this and that and that's all they are is talk. Push 8 lbs of baby out of your vagina, work and go to school full time while breastfeeding 2 kids, perform CPR on near lifeless bodies and try talking someone out of wanting to die when in all honesty, you can't really blame them for wanting to die since everyone they ever loved is already dead and they are basically paralyzed from the waist down. If you haven't done that, don't you DARE talk down to me.