Seriously talented boobies

Had a hilarious patient over the weekend. She's a woman in her 60s with a mean streak a mile wile and a mouth like a trucker. I think she might be a lesbian too even though she's married. She told me she married her husband for his health insurance and he's an abusive a-hole. (case management is following up with her) The reason I think she might not be straight is because pretty much from the time I enter the room until he time I leave all she does is talk about how I look, and when I give her a shot or anything she says stuff like "sweetheart, with a body like that you can do whatever the hell you want with me!" It's way creepy, but I'd rather be on her good side than her bad side so I just blew off her comments.
So anyway, she was coming back from an echocardiogram and the transport guy and our matronly nurse's aide who looks like this:

were helping her get off the stretcher. (actually the nurse's aide looks EXACTLY like the old lady on the one Beavis and Butthead movie where they are on the plane and the little old lady gives candy a.k.a. caffeine pills to cornholio, but I couldn't find a pic of her :( ) Anyway, she was helping the trucker mouthed pseudo lesbian off the stretcher and the aide called me to "get in the room QUICK, and look at her IV" I went in and her IV was pulled out. The trucker lady pointed at the aide and said, " She brushed against me and her goddamn TITS ripped my IV out! You oughta get those things licensed as lethal weapons!" I thought the aide was going to 1. die of embarrassment 2. wet herself. (always a distinct possibility, as I overheard a rumor she actually does wear Depends just today.. well poise pads, but still.) The only person laughing harder than the rest of us was the poor man who was pushing the stretcher. Every time I saw him for the rest of the day he just kept on shaking his head and laughing every time he glanced in my direction.